S.A.D

Seasonal Affect Disorder...usually rearing its ugly head in the winter months has become the bane of my existence these days with one of the the rainiest Junes in years. It should be called Seasonal ANGER Disorder, I am angry about everything. However I also remember last June being pretty rainy too. I think our seasons are shifting. It is staying colder into our usual summer months and hotter past August. Weird.
Anyway June is not a great month for me anyway, so having it be this gloomy makes me a difficult person to be around. It all came to a head on my bday/father's day weekend and I was a pain in the ass, just plain super moody, and in a funk.
There were a couple of bright spots. Mel took me out on a surprise date for my birthday, we ended up going to a murder mystery dinner in the N. End. Not something I would ever do myself. I really despise interactive performances like that, but I got over that hump, and it ended up being pretty fun.



We also saw Star Trek, which was really good, and after a hiccup that brought my mood to alert color RED, I got my new iPhone. Then finally, lunch with Kristine on Sunday, who totally gets when I am like this. It has been a week of ups and downs. Analogous to the Homeland Advisory System my moods have gone from YELLOW to RED at any given moment. Maybe I should post these advisories on the outside of my door, or on my messenger bag so people know when they approach.
Because of this I spent some time alone. I enjoy going to the movies by myself and saw Away We Go. I read a couple of reviews that seemed to like the movie but said it was kind of pretentious. I did not find this to be the case. I thought it was a very sweet movie about two people in a healthy relationship searching for the best place to have and raise their baby. I know for myself, especially when I feel like I do now, I am constantly questioning myself; am I living in the right place and doing the work that is going to make me the most happy? Maybe Boston does not bring out the best in me all the time and contributes to these funks I get in? Maybe I need to be in a quieter environment near water? I imagine many people have this same dialogue. Either way the movie struck a cord and I was quite touched with Maya Rudolph's subtle performance as a woman who loves her BF but does not see the point in marriage, and questions whether they are "fuck-ups" because they are not living the prescribed life society forces down our throats. I totally got it.